i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I've blown a few things in my day
and she was petting her beer can
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come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
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I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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