I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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