We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Randomize
