Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
