so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
