This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
