the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
