There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
