I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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