Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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