so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have post one night stand depression
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
