real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
