Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
