At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
