I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
