why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
