If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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