Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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