I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
