She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
