ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
