every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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