I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
