she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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