I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
