I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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