Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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