I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
