If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
