walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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