dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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