I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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