I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
