The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize