Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.