I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.