I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.