i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
