What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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