I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
