Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Fuck appropriateness.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
