I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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