somebody snuck up and got me drunk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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