Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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