Got a toothbrush?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
