it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
