Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
i think i just lost a toe
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
