had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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