well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hippo gnu deer
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
