You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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