he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
