The maid of honor just puked.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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