i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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