yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
