I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
