my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
