I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
