so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I will pee on everything he values.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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