i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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