Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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