how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
