Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
